O FLAGRA · FLAGRA FM 101,3
Programa 01: “O Grande Prêmio das Três Rodas”, transcrição completa
(GP de Vancouver, 5 de junho de 2021. Transmissão em inglês, a língua do paddock.)

[vinheta da FLAGRA FM]

El Linhaça (estúdio): Good evening. This is FLAGRA FM. Broadcasting in
  English, for the international paddock, from a location I cannot disclose.
  I am El Linhaça. Tonight: the Vancouver Grand Prix. Wet track. Twenty
  cars. Eighty wheels. At the start. Our man is at the circuit. Reginaldo
  Trovão... the microphone is yours.

Reginaldo Trovão (pista): THANK YOU, STUDIO! AND HERE COMES MAX PORTER! The
  British driver of Cruzeiro Real is having an EXCELLENT race! The team
  calls him in! Tyres, fuel, everything ready... AND OFF HE GOES!

Reginaldo Trovão (pista): BUT WAIT A MINUTE, FRIENDS OF SPEED! SOMETHING IS
  WRONG!

Reginaldo Trovão (pista): MAX PORTER HAS LEFT THE PITS WITHOUT ONE OF HIS
  WHEELS!!!

Reginaldo Trovão (pista): NEYDSON BÖLKHE DID NOT TIGHTEN THE NUT! THE WHEEL
  IS GONE! BUT MAX IS STILL ON THE TRACK!

[um carro passa]

Reginaldo Trovão (pista): LOOK AT THOSE SPARKS, PEOPLE! He is dragging metal
  across the asphalt! It's a FIREWORKS SHOW! It's an INDUSTRIAL SANDER at
  three hundred kilometres an hour!

Reginaldo Trovão (pista): AND LISTEN! WE HAVE TEAM RADIO!

[chiado do rádio da equipe]

Max Porter (rádio da equipe): My tyre is still missing, guys! Pit me now!

[chiado do rádio da equipe]

Reginaldo Trovão (pista): HE IS CONFIRMING THE OBVIOUS! STILL NO WHEEL! CALL
  THE FIRE BRIGADE! CALL THE PRIEST! CALL THE CEMENT FACTORY!

[chiado do rádio da equipe]

Max Porter (rádio da equipe): Guys! I still don't have a tyre!

[chiado do rádio da equipe]

Reginaldo Trovão (pista): WE KNOW, MAX! THE WHOLE OF CANADA KNOWS! That
  wheel is getting more airtime than you are!

Reginaldo Trovão (pista): MAX MAKES IT BACK TO THE PITS! He gets four
  wheels... this time, apparently, TIGHTENED... and he rejoins the race...
  in last place.

Reginaldo Trovão (pista): BUT WHAT IS THIS?!

Reginaldo Trovão (pista): MAX PORTER HAS JUST SET THE PROVISIONAL FASTEST
  LAP OF THE RACE! FIFTY-FIVE SECONDS! TWO HUNDRED AND SIX THOUSANDTHS!

Reginaldo Trovão (pista): HE IS THE FASTEST MAN ON THE TRACK! AND ALSO THE
  LAST ONE! A CONTRADICTION THAT DEFIES SCIENCE!

[chiado do rádio da equipe]

Max Porter (rádio da equipe): I'm literally the fastest man on track!

[chiado do rádio da equipe]

Reginaldo Trovão (pista): AND THE LAST, MAX! THE LAST! Meanwhile, at the
  front... FROM POLE POSITION... FROM THE CHURCH TO THE NIGHTCLUB TO THE TOP
  STEP... ANDRÉ GOMES CROSSES THE FINISH LINE!

[um carro passa]

Reginaldo Trovão (pista): VITÓÓÓÓRIA! VICTORY FOR CRUZEIRO REAL! ANDRÉ
  GOMES WINS BY MORE THAN TWENTY-FIVE SECONDS!

Reginaldo Trovão (pista): AND MAX PORTER! After four pit stops... one
  missing wheel... and a fireworks show... finishes... SIXTEENTH!

Reginaldo Trovão (pista): LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CRUZEIRO REAL HAS JUST
  PROVEN THAT IT IS POSSIBLE TO WIN AND LOSE THE SAME RACE... SPECTACULARLY!

Reginaldo Trovão (pista): Live from Vancouver... where wheels are
  optional... and suffering is mandatory... BACK TO YOU IN THE STUDIO!

El Linhaça (estúdio): Thank you, Reginaldo. A note from the newsroom. The
  mechanic, Neydson Bölkhe, has not been seen since. Sources speak of a long
  holiday. In the Indian Ocean. With very heavy shoes. This was FLAGRA FM.
  Pay me well... and I might even tell the truth. In corn we trust.

[vinheta da FLAGRA FM]

[intervalo comercial]

Locutor do comercial: This broadcast was brought to you by TROLLEY-STOP
  A.B.S.! Anti-lock brakes for your shopping trolley! Never skid in the
  frozen food aisle again! Twelve easy payments of nineteen ninety!

Letrinha, lida às pressas: Brakes only work on trolleys that are already
  standing still. Trolley sold separately. You are hearing this because you
  ate corn.

A FLAGRA FM não autorizou ninguém a transmitir esta corrida. Nem a si mesma.
— El Linhaça